Who do you carry the torch for, my young man? Do you believe in anything? Do you carry it around just to burn things down?

That is an AWESOME song, by the way: "The Archers Strings Have Broken" by Brand New. Another sublime song for you to listen to is "Brothers on a Hotel Bed" by Death Cab for Cutie. That's good stuff, right there.

I haven't posted lyrics up here for a while because A) Dylan and I are trying to find a place, and it's proving rather time consuming, B) My mum is super bi-polar, and won't make up her mind about how she feels about me and C) I've been transferring all of the lyrics into their own, individual word files, so that I'll have quick and easy access to them.

Life is very up and down right now, and I'm not sure how I feel all the time - like I was telling Dylan and Monique last night, I feel like maybe I have some kind of undiagnosed mental condition. It's weird. Anyways, not important, right now - I am peaceful. I was gonna get Dylan to teach me to meditate properly, when we move in, to hopefully help me with this problem.

In other news, my nails are black. I think I like it. It's not something you really see a lot of on guys, anymore, and I personally think it looks kind of cool, especially when playing guitar.

To make up for my lack of updating, here's a poem. Enjoy.

From the Womb (Open Air)

I feel as though I am still in the womb

where it is warm

and orange

and sterile

and safe.

I feel like I am going to the edge and

it is still at my back

sticking to me

clinging to me by thin, powerful tendrils

keeping me around.

I do not want that.

I dislike the orange and the red and the black and I very much dislike the dark and the warmth, especially here, where I feel so very alone.

I want to be out

where it is green

and dangerous

and unpredictable

and real

and I can breathe

and I could be devoured at any moment.

I would savour that.

I want to be where it is green and blue and grey and where there is always some kind of light, no matter how dim.

At least some light.

Goddamn regular updates

Seriously, I don't know how webcomic artists and stuff manage to not only write and draw a comic every week (sometimes three times a week) and do it on a set day. It's madness. I mean, shit, this is just a blog of my thoughts, and I have trouble with it.

ANYWAYS, I am just about to go to bed, but I came on to promise a lyric dump to anyone reading. It shall show up tomorrow.

Sleep well.

In Memoriam

So I fell off of the "update frequently" wagon. Sue me. Shit's been going on.

First off, OB, I am SO sorry about missing choir over and over - I have so much going on, what with the Grad Historian video and the crazy mum and the dead uncle and such that after school automatically equals "go rest" for me, so I tend to go a bit stupid at 3:00. I PROMISE I will be there next week.

Today, I found out that the Talking Donkey has an Open Mic Night on Wednesdays, so I think I'm gonna have to go check that out soon, once I get some stuff completely done. OH, and they have an UPSTAIRS! I didn't know that! It was so cool! Thanks, Dylan, I literally never would have noticed had you not gone up there.

Speaking of music, I've been coming up with a lot of lines that I really like but have been having trouble finishing a lot of songs. For example, a couple days ago, I wrote this line: "Cannon mouth and dagger tongue/Lashing out at everyone." I LOVE that line, but I have nowhere to put it and can't seem to add to it. I am sad.

My mum has been, as usual, the most bipolar person ever. She freaks out on me for little things, then acts like nothing ever happened the next day. I don't even know what to think about it anymore. Hard to care about it, to be honest; I just want to move out and live, goddamn it.

I was bored in French class, so I started drawing robots, and it kind of evolved into a story idea based on one of David's awesome drawings. I'll talk about it later, when it's more fleshed out.

Finally, yeah... my awesome deaf uncle died. He was great. I miss him a lot... hopefully he's somewhere where he can hear, now. I think he would have liked that.

Mark Bransford. I miss you.

RECORDING: INITIATED. UPLOADING... UPLOAD COMPLETE.

I have officially finished my first good cover (good in that I actually like my voice for once, your opinion about it is entirely subjective)! I am emboldened by this success, and am going to move on to my own stuff (though I've got to figure out how to do non-acoustic songs - until then, they shall all be acoustic). This one is one of my very favourite songs EVER, The Navesink Banks; it's a cover of a song by The Gaslight Anthem. Here's the link for download. I might put it up on Youtube in a bit, I dunno. Haven't decided yet.

Anyways, let me know what you think - I would REALLY appreciate comments.

Sleep well.

1 - The Car Crash

Really quick, before I post it, I know it's small, but it is a writing exercise. The point of these is to just write what comes out without stopping for any more than five minutes (excluding, of course, bathroom breaks and stuff). I want to develop my writing, and this is the best way to do it, I think. So, here you are.

Somehow, when the car struck us, I lived. I didn’t expect to; after all, I was the one sitting closest to the impact point. Still, amazingly enough, despite the complete destruction of the front right side of the sedan, I survived, though I wasn't uninjured by any means.

I suffered three broken ribs, a punctured lung, a broken radius bone (that would be the forearm, for those of you not in the know), a broken nose and a severe concussion; it was so bad, I was in the hospital for three weeks straight (first in the ER, then the Intensive Care Unit, then in Paediatrics, then in the Psych Ward. I knew that hospital like the back of my hand.). I couldn’t remember my name, my address, my hair colour, my parents… nothing. Everything had left me, but it was all there at the same time. Everyone came to visit, telling me that they hoped that I’d get better and that they believed in me. They all came and told me that they cared, and I had no idea who they were. Still, they came, so I figured that they really did care about me. I was wrong. In two weeks, the only people who visited me consistently were the nurses and the doctors.

The people who came to see me lied to me. They didn’t care, and the only reason I could see that was because I had no idea who they were. I couldn’t rationalize with, “oh, well, they’re busy this week” or “he’s got a really busy job” or anything like that, so I didn’t – I just looked at the facts and came to the conclusion that these people didn’t care.

On the fourteenth day, my memory returned to me. I didn’t want to have survived. I still had my memories from when I had no memories, and I realised that no one really did care. I wanted to go back to my happy, blind delusions. I was angry, too; why hadn’t you come to see me? Why weren’t you there? After a few hours, my anger subsided into contemplation. Maybe you’d been injured in the crash, too? Maybe you were bed-ridden?

Somehow, when the car struck us, I lived. You didn’t.

I want to be Dan Andriano when I grow up.

The dude rocks a bass like a beast - better than I've ever seen anyone, ever, actually - and he sings like a siren at the same time. If I can ever do that, I will be satisfied. The man is a god among musicians, and meeting him would make me one happy motherfucker, to put it bluntly. Music is awesome, and so is he.

In other news, The White Stripes are pretty freaking awesome, too. It's like listening to liquid gold. Icky Thump is a particular favourite.

I have gotten a few songs finished, and recording will take place as soon as my family gets the hell out of my house and gives me some silence.

And that's all I've got to say about that.

Sleep well.

Lyrics: Once More, With Feeling!

I really want to use that line - "once more, with feeling" - in a song, at some point. I love that line. Anyways, this is just a lyric dump, just stuff that I have written music for and should hopefully be up for you to listen to pretty quick.

First off, this is the song that I wrote for my play, "A Sight Unseen:" Gabe uses it to try to snap Gavin out of his episode. It's actually named after an awesome song by Rise Against - the play, not the song. It's not just about the play - this song is about my own personal experience, too, I just moulded it to the play a bit.

So Imperfect

Like a storm of razor thoughts

No one can repay this debt

And the bastard talks a lot

You see, he made me do it

Sickness lives inside my skull

Floor to ceiling, wall to wall

Just another defect

A thousand television sets

Playing static in my head

I'm so imperfect

Like the Backwards Music Station

He sounds just like Hell

Try for silence with sedation

But nothing works that well

He shows what I don't want to know

Visions of what I despise

He hacks at me ever so

Because I know they aren't just lies

Sickness lives inside my skull

Floor to ceiling, wall to wall

Just another defect

A thousand television sets

Playing static in my head

I'm so imperfect

I would do

Anything to fix this

I would give

Anything to clean my head

Another

Swing & a miss

Everything

Inside of me is being misread

All I want is quiet

Synapses gone mad

My cells are all on riot

Ignoring the perfect plan

Sickness lives inside my skull

Floor to ceiling, wall to wall

Just another defect

A thousand television sets

Playing static in my head

I'm so imperfect

I'm so imperfect

I'm so imperfect

This one's the one I wrote about directing class - I've started on the music, but I have to find it again. The title's not fully capitalized because French folks don't love capital letters like we do.

Au revoir

In the basement of that place

Beyond that cellar door

You sat and you epitomized

What I was starving for

I stepped in a little late

Was off by months & years

Reason wasn't grasping me

So I ended up there

It's over now, but it was fun

So au revoir & goodbye

I guess maybe I'll see you again

Somewhere, sometime

It was something I was searching for

But never thought I'd find

It was just what I was hoping for

We shared a common mind

Where words gave way to feelings

Where I felt I could feel safe

One of two I could be myself

I took solace in this place

It's over now, but it was fun

So au revoir & goodbye

I guess maybe I'll see you again

Somewhere, sometime

And now it all is sadly gone

Yes, all good things must end

But someday, down this muted road

I'll see you again, my friend

This is the song that Jade and I performed, for those of you that were there.

Awful Lovers

I know what's hiding inside you

I've taken all I can take

I know you're insecure, yeah

I know you're just another fake

You two made awful lovers

& we made even worse friends

I had your back, but then you stabbed mine

I hope I never see your face again

I guess you've already

Forgotten all I did for you

With the way everything has gone

There's only one thing I can do

I can't help you anymore

I've left you dying in the snow

I'm moving on from your fatal flaw

There's just nowhere else to go

You two made awful lovers

& we made even worse friends

I had your back, but then you stabbed mine

I hope I never see your face again

Your light switch romance

Was as poisonous as you say

Tried to pull you from addiction

But you sent me on my way

I wish I could tell you

That we'll be fine again someday

But I'm not one to lie

I'm better off this way

You two made awful lovers

And we made even worse friends

I had your back, but then you stabbed mine

I hope I never see your face again

You two made awful lovers

And we made even worse friends

I had your back, but then you stabbed mine

I hope I never see your face

I hope I never see your face

... again

All three of these songs have music written, I just have to finish the music up and then record it and you all can tell me what you think.